This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
