i permit you to call me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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