Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
