we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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