my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
