ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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