no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
