I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
