My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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