Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
