My pussy is not your playground.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love you. Go after that dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
