I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
