No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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