So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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