His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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