There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
