That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
