end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
