She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
