At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
