can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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