shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
