My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
