My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
