4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
