He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
