so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
