I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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