I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
