So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
that is very illegal...i love you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
