I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
