I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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