There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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