Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
