i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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