she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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