hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
