and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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