Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
