I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
