I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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