omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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