at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
