I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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