So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
