party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
