Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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