you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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