He is such a slut. More and more my type.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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