if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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