dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
