they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
