So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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