just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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