Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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