Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
