dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
