Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
