I am spending my child support on dildos
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
