Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
